Cooties and Cookies
by best with breadsticks
Summary: One-shot: Tawni was absolutely certain that this was love. She was in love – the exact same kind of love her mommy and daddy had – with six-year-old Chad Dylan Goldfarb. They were definitely going to be together forever and ever.


Author's Note: So, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this little bugger of a story. I wrote it pretty quick...and I don't think I like the ending. I did however have fun writing it. This is based on the episode "_Guess Who's Coming to Guest Star_", where Tawni says that her and Chad used to have a relationship when they were six. This is pretty much my idea on what their first date might have been like. I hope it's enjoyable. I love writing little kids, so that's why I had so much fun writing this, even if I don't like the ending.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything _Sonny With a Chance _related.

***

"Would you like to be my boyfriend?" A six-year-old Tawni Hart asked, twisting her hair around her pointer finger, giving the boy before her the most seductive smile a child could. He was everything a six-year-old girl could ask for. He was willing to push her on the swing, share his cookies with her, and even let her color in his special coloring book.

Tawni was absolutely certain that this was love. She was in _love_ – the exact same kind of love her mommy and daddy had – with six-year-old Chad Dylan Goldfarb. They were _definitely _going to be together forever and ever.

The boy cocked his head for a second, before responding. "You don't have cooties or anything, right? Chad Dylan Goldfarb can't get cooties from an icky girl."

Tawni was appalled. Who did he think she was? Some Wisconsin country hick? No, she was Tawni Hart, the beautiful, charming actress. Not some icky girl that would be festering with the dreaded cooties. And anyway, boys had cooties; not girls.

"No," Tawni replied in a partially disgusted tone. "Tawni Hart is cootie-free. Thank you very much. My parents don't breed little cootie monsters." She puckered her lips out like she had seen an old woman – she was like _thirty_ -- do in a movie when she was angry.

"Oh, okay." Chad was secretly relieved. No way would he _ever _be caught dead dating some cootie ridden girl. Girls with cooties were disgusting and would totally ruin his six-year-old reputation. He had been working on this reputation since his first diaper commercial when he was eleven months old, and no way would he destroy it now.

"Chad, honey, we have to go home." Chad's mother appeared behind him, holding his coat and backpack full of all the six-year-old's necessities. Also known as his teddy bear, blankie, a couple of books he was never going to read, his special comb, a small bottle of hair gel, and a breath spray. The breath spray was in there in case he ever had to _kiss _a girl. He'd seen it done in _so _many movies that a guy sprays his breath before kissing a girl, so he just wanted to be prepared.

"Mommy," Chad called back, turning around to look at her. "I'm talking to my _girlfriend_. And _we're_ not done talking."

His mother sighed, rolling her eyes. Her son was a charmer that was for sure.

"Chad, sweetheart, we had to go. Your Nana is coming over _really_ early tomorrow morning, and we have to clean the house, honey." His mother leaned down to pick him up, but he took a quick step forward before she could wrap her arm around him.

Chad turned back to Tawni, ignoring his mother. "Do you want to go out on a _date_?"

"Like what my mommy and daddy do sometimes. A _date_ with _kissing_, and _hugging_, and more _kissing_, and _eating, _and then even more _kissing?_" Tawni emphasized each word, trying her very hardest to make sure _that _was the kind of "date" he meant. Though Tawni Hart had never been on a date before, she knew her first one had to be just like the kind she always saw her parents having. _Romantic. _

She did not want any childish games; only a pure romantic, first date. Was _that _so much to ask for? _Really_?

"Uh—" Chad stopped to think about it for a second. "Yeah, that's the kind of date."

Chad's mother was shaking her head, laughing at this point. Oh how naive and young they were. She pondered cutting in once more, but she knew her son would again tell her to stop talking, so he could finish making plans with his _girlfriend._ She decided maybe she could help them out on this little "date."

"Honey," Chad's mother spoke once more, leaning down to her son's level.

"Mommy, please let me talk to my girlfriend by myself. I promise she doesn't have cooties, and she's not _that _bad of an actress, so, _please,_ can I date her by myself? Without you looking." He gave her a pleading look, folding his hands and holding them up over his mouth. He looked liked a little boy begging for money on the street, rather than a little boy begging to date a girl.

His mother laughed. She knew her son was going to snatched up by some crazy girls at one point his life, she just didn't expect it to be before he reached the first grade.

She smiled. "I'll do you one better. Tawni can come home with us -- if her parents are okay with it -- and you two can have your first date at our house. How does that sound?"

"Will you be looking at us the _whole," _Chad spread his arms out wide as he said whole to really get the point across, "time?"

"Not if you don't want me too." She poked his nose, making him giggle. She always knew how to make her little boy laugh. One way, for instance, to get to laugh was to tickle him all over. He -- though he always would try to claim that he's not -- was _very _ticklish.

"Well," he began, regaining his composure after giggling like a _child_. No, he was a sophisticated _man_, who had a girlfriend. He needed to act more adult and less childish. He was _way_ passed the days of youthful wonder now. He had a lady to worry about.

"I guess that would be okay…" Chad finished in a half-whining, half-defeated voice. "Just no, looking at what we're doing. _We_, "he waved his hand at himself and Tawni, "are in a _real_, _real…ation_--"

His mother caught on to his struggle and decided to jump in with the word that was on the tip of his tongue. "Relationship; is that what you wanted to say, sweetie?" She smiled at him.

"Yes," he replied, but obviously his pride had been hurt. If he didn't know a silly word like _relationship_, Tawni was going to get the wrong impression. She might think he was some stupid boy, but everyone knew it was girls that were stupid, not boys.

"Well now, why don't we go ask Tawni's mother if she can come over for a play—" She noticed Chad and Tawni glaring at her upon almost saying "play date". No, this was a _real _date with _kissing._

"Sorry, sorry." She apologized. "Date. Just date. Nothing in front of it. Okay, I'm going to go talk to Tammi now." His mother scurried away to go discuss this _date_ with Mrs. Hart, who was standing just across the stage of _The Goody Gang_.

It took about a half an hour of convincing Mrs. Hart that Tawni would have everything she'd need; her Coco Moco Coco lip balm (she wasn't old enough for lipstick yet), at least four mirrors for her personal use, personal space, a curling iron (in case her curls started to lose their luster), and, of course, a toilet to gag into after Chad tried to kiss her. No way would Tammi Hart's little girl kiss a cootie ridden boy and not throw up from it.

***

The Goldfarb home was about a twenty minute drive away from the studio in which _The Goody Gang_ was filmed. Mrs. Goldfarb parked the car in the driveway and glanced back at her two little passengers each leaning to their respective windows deep asleep. A full day at work can really wear out two six-year-olds.

Chad's mother got out of the car and opened the front door of the house, before returning to the car to undo the seat buckles from each of their booster seats. And then, one by one, she carried them both into the house and laid them down on the couch. They'd wake up soon enough to begin their date. Until then, she'd let them sleep, while she baked cookies for them.

***

About an hour and fifteen minutes later, Tawni's eyes slowly opened to find this was _not _her princess bed she was sleeping on. She wasn't under her warm, pink covers getting her well-deserved beauty rest after a long day filming _The Goody Gang_. This wasn't _even _her house.

In a panic, she remembered what her mother had told her if she was even kidnapped. Scream, yell, fight back, and be as whiny and annoying as possible until, hopefully, you annoyed your captors so much that they just let you go.

Tawni screamed, kicking her feet at whatever was laying just down at the other end of the long couch. She heard a shout in reply, before there was a thump that filled the strange living room she had been sleeping in. There was a groan and then a loud cry from where the thump had come from. It sounded as if it was in pain for some reason.

Tawni calmed herself down enough to glance over the edge of the couch to find Chad sitting on the hard wood floor crying holding his arm. It took Tawni a second to realize then where she was and what she had done.

She had kicked her _boyfriend_. Oh, their date was ruined.

Chad's mother appeared quickly in the room to comfort her son. She had abandoned the cookie batter in the kitchen and raced over to where her baby boy was crying on the floor. She picked him up and sat down on the couch with him on her lap. She gazed at the arm his was cradling. It didn't look broken or anything, just bruised from his fall. Nothing a little motherly love couldn't fix.

"Oh, honey." She kissed his forehead and wiped away the tears from his eyes. "It's okay. You're fine. Come on." She stood up with him balancing in one of her arms. She used the other to take a hold of Tawni's hand and help her off the couch.

Once Tawni was safely on the ground, Mrs. Goldfarb walked them both to them into the kitchen to show them what she had made for them.

"I baked you cookies." She said as she carried Chad and lead Tawni into the kitchen. The two children looked excitedly at the mounds of cookies spread out before them. There was every kind imaginable and still there was batter left unbaked. Mrs. Goldfarb and her personal chef had been baking ever since her and children had gotten home, which made for such an array.

Chad's mother put him down, allowing for him and Tawni to go investigate the piles of cookies waiting for them. Chad picked up a chocolate chip cookie, and, as a good boyfriend should, split it in half. He handed half to his lady. She accepted it with a giggle, picking up a peanut butter cookie and shoving it in his mouth, as she had seen a teenage girl do in a romantic comedy.

He bit down on the peanut butter cookie, before removing the not bit part from his mouth. He smiled at her.

"Thank you for the cookie," he grinned. "You're a very good girlfriend giving your boyfriend cookies."

His mother chuckled behind them, causing Chad to turn around and narrow his eyes at her. She shut up her laughter quickly upon seeing the look he was giving her. He was obviously not happy that she was hovering over his date.

"Mommy, go." He pointed at the doorway. "I'm _trying_ to date my girlfriend."

"Sorry, sorry." She swiftly picked up the mail off of the counter in the kitchen and spun about face. "I'll just go pay the bills. You two be good." She smiled at them before walking out of the room, leaving behind her son and his girlfriend.

Chad turned back to Tawni, setting down his cookies. "I got you something too."

He walked over to the counter where his mother had gotten the bills from, dragging a bar stool behind him. He positioned the bar stool at just the precise place and climbed up. He reached over and pulled a single red rose from the bouquet his father had brought home one day after work for his mother.

"Ow," he said, furrowing his brow as he looked at the thorns that had just cut his hand. He whimpered, but stopped himself as quickly as possible. He couldn't cry. He had already cried in front of his girlfriend, and she was going to think he was some wimpy guy.

He glanced over at the sink just a few inches away. He leaned over on the bar stool and turned on the water, washing the blood away from the stinging red cut. He winced as he felt the water rush over the open wound, but he bit his lip. His lady couldn't think he was a wimp.

Turning off the water, he dried his hand on the nearest hand towel.

He gazed at the towel for a minute before getting an idea on how to give his girlfriend the rose. He used the hand towel to wrap around the thrones, so she wouldn't cut herself like he had just done. He hopped down from the stool and held the flower out for her, smiling.

She accepted it, "Thank you."

It was then that she leaned in towards him to _kiss_ him. She had seen it done a hundred times in movies. The boy gives the girl a beautiful flower, and she returns the gesture with a kiss on the lips. It was probably the most romantic thing ever. Thus this would be a _romantic_ date – not at all a _play_ date.

Their lips were about to touch, when Chad watched his mother walk into the room. He pulled backward, leaving Tawni standing there with her lips puckered and no one willing to kiss them.

"_Mommy_," he complained. "I'm _trying _to kiss my girlfriend. Leave me alone."

"Again, I'm sorry, honey. I just needed something from the kitchen." She picked up her keys from the table and walked just outside the doorway, so she could still see what was happening with her son and Tawni.

The two kids began leaning in again for their first kiss, and suddenly it happened, just like in a movie. Chad checked his breath, and Tawni puckered her lips out more.

And then they _kissed_.

It was next without warning, the flashing lights started up. Tawni and Chad both leaned back from each other to glance over at the flashes of white light. There were two women standing there each with their cameras, snapping away at the two six-year-olds.

"Oh, my little girl's first kiss." Mrs. Hart, who had just arrived, cooed, as she snapped pictures of Tawni and Chad standing there in the kitchen. "And to think, she didn't even throw up after it." She grinned, taking another photo.

"I know," Mrs. Goldfarb agreed. "My baby boy got his _first_ kiss. I'm so proud." She took another picture of the two-some.

Chad and Tawni looked at each other, before each yelling in their high pitched six-year-old voices.

"_Mommy!"_

_***_

Author's Note: I hope the ending wasn't too bad. I thought this was generally cute, but I'm kinda bias due to the fact that I wrote it. I'm off now to watch another performance of the musical "_A...My Name is Alice_"...I know you all probably don't care, but I just wanted to type that. Okay, then. Thank you for reading! :D


End file.
